[Private Event]

[becomeanwarrior]

[A Ten Ton Straw On A Camel's Back]

OR

[The Light Of Reason Flickers In The Eye Of The Storm]

OR

[Madness Enhancement Is A Skill That Renders Most Forms Of Communication Impossible]

OR

['Anger 2' In E Minor]

---

[ A series of vignettes in which Onni reacts about as well as anyone would to finding out their niece nearly died three weeks ago, is claiming to ascend to the status of a mad god, and every fear they had about her burgeoning powers they specifically warned her parents about has come true, all at once.

This is fine. ]

Comments

[theheadmonarch]

Noriko! Couch! Indefinitely! Again!

[theheadmonarch]

::Whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.::

[becomeanwarrior]

[ Finally puts away his Gigantech Bracer, picking up the return capsule as it settles on... a nice soft pink shade that means that the 'captured' quarry gets to spend a lot of time in the Melffy Room. ]

Hey, Noriko, Shiyoko, I have a question.

Was someone supposed to light up a warning sign for me so I knew my niece was giving out Rank-Up-Magics to her psycho cultist friends!?

I feel like this is something we overlooked! That seems like an actual danger! Like, a capital-d Danger! That I need to be in a professional mindset to deal with!

[theheadmonarch]

How was I supposed to know she was handing out impossible cards!?

::Trying to pull herself up.::

[becomeanwarrior]

Noriko, 'cuz, she is both your daughter and your High Priestess in training, I figured you would have at least maybe checked to make sure her friends weren't going to go full Lord of the Flies!

[ Exhaling, shaking his hands out a bit. ]

Ohhhh she is so unbelievably, unequivocally, apocalyptically grounded when I catch up to her.

[theheadmonarch]

Since when is she my high priestess!?

... And I never read Lord of the Flies.

[blackrthanblack]

Onni, make sure to remind me to ground my wife with my daughter, as my wife seems to have forgotten Kamala is her Miko.

[becomeanwarrior]

How do you forget Kamala is your Miko!? Ugh, right, forgetting you're a god because you want to be the mask but— still! This is egregious!

Shiyoko, I will happily remind you that my cousin needs a thorough grounding as soon as I bring my stubborn niece in. I assume I have your blessing for that much.

[blackrthanblack]

Enormously!

[theheadmonarch]

Because I didn't want to put that pressure on her...!

[becomeanwarrior]

...

[ Walks over to Noriko, squishing her face between his hands gently. ]

Noriko. My darling cousin who I can and would literally beat up hordes of self-righteous dipshits to protect.

Pressure is what turns coal into beautiful, shiny diamonds, you incorrigible airhead.

[theheadmonarch]

Bwut presshure alsho makhes thingks breakh.

[becomeanwarrior]

That's why you carefully watch how much pressure is being applied, and when, and where, yes?

[theheadmonarch]

I don't know buth theenage ghirls alwhays acht outh and tryh toh becomeh darkh godsh, whetherh its me, ashleyh or kahmala.

andh shiyokoh wanted khamalaha to be happyh and unburdenedh by shtuff.

[becomeanwarrior]

They don't always try to become dark gods! That's just your personal bias because you've raised like three of them!

I also wanted Kamala to be happy and unburdened by stuff!! Which is why I'm, y'know, taking responsibility in trying to unburden her where I can!!!

Ugh. I'm... mad but I'm starting to get more mad at myself. Reminding you that you bungled this isn't fun, 'cuz.

Look. I'll bring back Kamala safe and sound, because I want to make sure she's safe. If she's anything like her mother she will probably try and run me over while I attempt to talk her down.

...Once we get things squared away I would like us to consider maybe having a bit of a tighter grip on the steering wheel that is Kamala's future, is all.

[blackrthanblack]

Oh we will be.

I'm already making plans in my head about getting Asian Education Mama on her.

And going through her things.

[becomeanwarrior]

Moderation, Shiyoko. Swinging the pendulum back the other way with the same amount of force won't do us any good.

In fact, here, easy three-step plan! [ Ah, there's a manic edge to his voice. ]

Step 1: Wrassle her down from her temper tantrum so we can ground her properly!

Step 2: Lots of hugs and reminder she can feel sad!

Step 3: We bring in, I'unno, maybe Sadame or someone to act as a neutral party who can tell us if our plans for Kamala are going too far in one direction or the other!

Cause, like. No offense, 'yoko. None of us are particularly sane or stable right now. Usually that's my job and I am deliberately abdicating it for the time being.

[ Beat. ]

Also I'm going to have Akae fire Ixiona out of a cannon. I do not like her and I think she's a bad influence on Kamala. So into the cannon she goes.

[blackrthanblack]

... Definitely, I thought it was 'bad influence that we could tolerate'.

But at the very least we're going to be much stricter on who she is and isn't friends with. Can we agree on that?

[theheadmonarch]

Um. Why do we need to be stricter about her friends?

Just so I understand the logic.

[becomeanwarrior]

Agreed, 'yoko.

And Noriko. It's because Kamala's divinity will attract people who will then go insane and try to murder you for petty teenage slights, as seen here, 'cuz. And that's not normal.

And while I am willing to allow a certain degree of harmless delinquency, I draw the line at "toxic bratty terrorist".

[blackrthanblack]

Also, she's literally the daughter of a head of state.

Like I might be in a half lucid dreamstate a lot of the time but now that she's quite literally royalty, who she is and isn't with is literally critical to your actions to make Japan a safe place in a post 'everything is waking up' world, Noriko.

And I think she needs to not have access to all the world's most powerful cards at her whim.

Like I'll listen to Sadame, but.

She's lost basically all the trust we gave her, and there are expectations now.

The same expectations that are getting you called The Modern Bismarck and the Wisest Conservative Mastermind in the modern world.

[becomeanwarrior]

Good points, all!

While I'll be willing to still give Kamala some rope, we, as people with actually fully developed brains who act as her parents or guardians, should make sure that she is not making friends with people who will either exploit her reckless thinking or try and get to you, Shiyoko, or the Emperor and Crown Prince through her.

And she has shown a remarkable degree of recklessness in her actions here, presumably because she believes in the invincibility of youth. And while I will be very pointedly finding the people who triggered this tantrum and making them wish for the mercy of oblivion—

We need to think about these things going forward!

[ ...The titles only just now register to him and he snorts. ]

C-Conservative Mastermind? [ PFFFFFFF. ]

[blackrthanblack]

She can quickly re-earn that rope, but I plan to treat her like she's 8 or 10 until she proves she can be trusted, at the very short term. Who she talks to, what she looks at, the cards she uses, the things and look of her bedroom, for the short term at least, are going to be out of her hands.

And. Yes. My darling wife is considered the greatest right wing politician of the 21st Century. She's rebuilding the Empire of Japan through an "Imperial Prosperity Sphere". Her major policies of removing democracy from having too much say, her pro-natal policies, her 'anti-feminist' policies, and the "Zeroth War Principle" are getting her praise in all the major Right Wing Papers and Journals.

::Laughs with a motherly ohoho with a tinkling bell laugh.::

[theheadmonarch]

It's not funny! I'm left wing! Just because I put on a sweater and glasses and wear my hair undyed and straight does not make me a conservative!

[blackrthanblack]

And never a soul will believe you.