[Private Event]

[becomeanwarrior]

[A Ten Ton Straw On A Camel's Back]

OR

[The Light Of Reason Flickers In The Eye Of The Storm]

OR

[Madness Enhancement Is A Skill That Renders Most Forms Of Communication Impossible]

OR

['Anger 2' In E Minor]

---

[ A series of vignettes in which Onni reacts about as well as anyone would to finding out their niece nearly died three weeks ago, is claiming to ascend to the status of a mad god, and every fear they had about her burgeoning powers they specifically warned her parents about has come true, all at once.

This is fine. ]

Comments

[arknpcs6]

::And the giant falcon screeches in a hideous death wail, as it begins to crack, piece by piece, its parts falling to the ground, shattering like glass, dust-to-dust, ash-to-ash, the monstrosity born from surpassing the limits collapses, its weight buckling, moaning a horrid death wail, before erupting in one final glorious explosion.::

n-no way...!

There's no way...!

[becomeanwarrior]

Believe it or don't, the result is the same.

[5200 ATK vs 4000 ATK] [Ixiona LP: 500 > 0]

[ Exhales. Stepping forward. ]

...As a member of the Sector Security Police Force of the Imperial Capital, I am placing you under arrest for the crime of attempted assassination of the Empress of Japan.

Will you come quietly?

[arknpcs6]

::She tries to knee you in the nuts with her leg.::

LONG LIVE THE WITCH-SAINT'S REBELLION!

[becomeanwarrior]

[ HURGHK, doubles over. ]

You little brat-!

[ As you're no doubt trying to run off and escape, yoinks a D.D. Return Capsule out of his jacket pocket.

And fastball pitches it at your head, so that it goes off after it bonks you, sending you to one of his D.D. Jails or, possibly, an inescapable Punishment Room filled with Melffy plushies if for some reason it glitches. ]

[theheadmonarch]

Is it over yet?

[theheadmonarch]

Noriko! Couch! Indefinitely! Again!

[theheadmonarch]

::Whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.::

[becomeanwarrior]

[ Finally puts away his Gigantech Bracer, picking up the return capsule as it settles on... a nice soft pink shade that means that the 'captured' quarry gets to spend a lot of time in the Melffy Room. ]

Hey, Noriko, Shiyoko, I have a question.

Was someone supposed to light up a warning sign for me so I knew my niece was giving out Rank-Up-Magics to her psycho cultist friends!?

I feel like this is something we overlooked! That seems like an actual danger! Like, a capital-d Danger! That I need to be in a professional mindset to deal with!

[theheadmonarch]

How was I supposed to know she was handing out impossible cards!?

::Trying to pull herself up.::

[becomeanwarrior]

Noriko, 'cuz, she is both your daughter and your High Priestess in training, I figured you would have at least maybe checked to make sure her friends weren't going to go full Lord of the Flies!

[ Exhaling, shaking his hands out a bit. ]

Ohhhh she is so unbelievably, unequivocally, apocalyptically grounded when I catch up to her.

[theheadmonarch]

Since when is she my high priestess!?

... And I never read Lord of the Flies.

[blackrthanblack]

Onni, make sure to remind me to ground my wife with my daughter, as my wife seems to have forgotten Kamala is her Miko.

[becomeanwarrior]

How do you forget Kamala is your Miko!? Ugh, right, forgetting you're a god because you want to be the mask but— still! This is egregious!

Shiyoko, I will happily remind you that my cousin needs a thorough grounding as soon as I bring my stubborn niece in. I assume I have your blessing for that much.

[blackrthanblack]

Enormously!

[theheadmonarch]

Because I didn't want to put that pressure on her...!

[becomeanwarrior]

...

[ Walks over to Noriko, squishing her face between his hands gently. ]

Noriko. My darling cousin who I can and would literally beat up hordes of self-righteous dipshits to protect.

Pressure is what turns coal into beautiful, shiny diamonds, you incorrigible airhead.

[theheadmonarch]

Bwut presshure alsho makhes thingks breakh.

[becomeanwarrior]

That's why you carefully watch how much pressure is being applied, and when, and where, yes?

[theheadmonarch]

I don't know buth theenage ghirls alwhays acht outh and tryh toh becomeh darkh godsh, whetherh its me, ashleyh or kahmala.

andh shiyokoh wanted khamalaha to be happyh and unburdenedh by shtuff.

[becomeanwarrior]

They don't always try to become dark gods! That's just your personal bias because you've raised like three of them!

I also wanted Kamala to be happy and unburdened by stuff!! Which is why I'm, y'know, taking responsibility in trying to unburden her where I can!!!

Ugh. I'm... mad but I'm starting to get more mad at myself. Reminding you that you bungled this isn't fun, 'cuz.

Look. I'll bring back Kamala safe and sound, because I want to make sure she's safe. If she's anything like her mother she will probably try and run me over while I attempt to talk her down.

...Once we get things squared away I would like us to consider maybe having a bit of a tighter grip on the steering wheel that is Kamala's future, is all.

[blackrthanblack]

Oh we will be.

I'm already making plans in my head about getting Asian Education Mama on her.

And going through her things.

[becomeanwarrior]

Moderation, Shiyoko. Swinging the pendulum back the other way with the same amount of force won't do us any good.

In fact, here, easy three-step plan! [ Ah, there's a manic edge to his voice. ]

Step 1: Wrassle her down from her temper tantrum so we can ground her properly!

Step 2: Lots of hugs and reminder she can feel sad!

Step 3: We bring in, I'unno, maybe Sadame or someone to act as a neutral party who can tell us if our plans for Kamala are going too far in one direction or the other!

Cause, like. No offense, 'yoko. None of us are particularly sane or stable right now. Usually that's my job and I am deliberately abdicating it for the time being.

[ Beat. ]

Also I'm going to have Akae fire Ixiona out of a cannon. I do not like her and I think she's a bad influence on Kamala. So into the cannon she goes.

[blackrthanblack]

... Definitely, I thought it was 'bad influence that we could tolerate'.

But at the very least we're going to be much stricter on who she is and isn't friends with. Can we agree on that?

[theheadmonarch]

Um. Why do we need to be stricter about her friends?

Just so I understand the logic.

[becomeanwarrior]

Agreed, 'yoko.

And Noriko. It's because Kamala's divinity will attract people who will then go insane and try to murder you for petty teenage slights, as seen here, 'cuz. And that's not normal.

And while I am willing to allow a certain degree of harmless delinquency, I draw the line at "toxic bratty terrorist".