[Private Event]

[becomeanwarrior]

[A Ten Ton Straw On A Camel's Back]

OR

[The Light Of Reason Flickers In The Eye Of The Storm]

OR

[Madness Enhancement Is A Skill That Renders Most Forms Of Communication Impossible]

OR

['Anger 2' In E Minor]

---

[ A series of vignettes in which Onni reacts about as well as anyone would to finding out their niece nearly died three weeks ago, is claiming to ascend to the status of a mad god, and every fear they had about her burgeoning powers they specifically warned her parents about has come true, all at once.

This is fine. ]

Comments

[becomeanwarrior]

Oh, I wouldn't catch your chickens before the eggs boil, ya smug little twerp!

[ Grins, eyes blazing. ]

One soul, two stories told! Uniting Europe in one, leading the Twelve Peers in the other! Where fiction and reality meet, he is the one true ruler! Let the legacy of Charlemagne's flame lead to a brighter tomorrow!

Link 1! Link Summon — EMPEROR CHARLES THE GREAT!

[ The Charlemagne that emerges from the Link SUmmon is osme years older and wiser, wearing a gleaming white coat and brandishing a burning Joyeuse. [3000 ATK] ]

Charles the Great's effect! When Link Summoned, he equips Infernoble Knight Emperor Charles to him, gaining 500 ATK and is treated as Infernoble Knight Emperor Charles, gaining all its effects! [ The afterimage of the younger Charles the Great warps and distorts behind Charlemagne. [3000 ATK > 3500 ATK] ]

NOW!

I activate Salamandra Fusion! By equipping it to a FIRE Warrior, it gains 700 ATK!

[ A roaring, fiery dragon encircles Charles the Great, as he takes the sword-wielding position of the Flame Swordsman. [3500 > 4200] ]

And finally, I discard Bradamante from my Hand! By doing so, I can target a Warrior on the field and equip it with a valid Equip Spell from my deck!

[ A card spits out, as Onni reveals it immediately before slamming it down. ] Noble Arms - Gallatin!

[ The flame-wreathed Joyeuse morphs into the sword of Gawain, shining with the light of day as Charles the Great raises it above his head. [4200 > 5200 ATK] ]

The wielder of Gallatin gains 1000 ATK, but loses 200 ATK per each of my Standby Phases! Not that I expect there will be another turn.

[arknpcs6]

T-there's no way could pull out something like that that could overpower a gift from the Saint! She's the witch queen who will free all of creation from tyranny itself!

::She's stepping back, panicked.::

How could a Link-1 defeat a Rank 13 monster!?

[becomeanwarrior]

FOOL!

If you can manifest an impossible monster, then just as surely, I can manifest an impossible victory! The ability to comprehend the shape the unrealized reality takes... and by comprehending, devise a path to victory!

That is what it means to champion the light of Reason! That is the insight and potential granted to Man by the gift of the Flame!

Now then! Allow me to free you from the shackles of your ignorance and ego!

[ Lifts an open palm skyward, as Charles raises Joyeuse to the sky, as the blade takes the shape of Gallatin and is surrounded by the dragon flame spirit of Salamandra. ]

Emperor Charles The Great! Attack Rising Rebellion Falcon!

JOYEUSE GALLATINE DRACO!

[ Charles swings the blade down, the shining energy suddenly dispersing in an incredibly massive blue-and-gold sword beam wreathed in draconic flames that consumes Isidori and Rebellion Raid Falcon both, and probably whites out any part of the throne room not consumed by it. ]

[arknpcs6]

::And the giant falcon screeches in a hideous death wail, as it begins to crack, piece by piece, its parts falling to the ground, shattering like glass, dust-to-dust, ash-to-ash, the monstrosity born from surpassing the limits collapses, its weight buckling, moaning a horrid death wail, before erupting in one final glorious explosion.::

n-no way...!

There's no way...!

[becomeanwarrior]

Believe it or don't, the result is the same.

[5200 ATK vs 4000 ATK] [Ixiona LP: 500 > 0]

[ Exhales. Stepping forward. ]

...As a member of the Sector Security Police Force of the Imperial Capital, I am placing you under arrest for the crime of attempted assassination of the Empress of Japan.

Will you come quietly?

[arknpcs6]

::She tries to knee you in the nuts with her leg.::

LONG LIVE THE WITCH-SAINT'S REBELLION!

[becomeanwarrior]

[ HURGHK, doubles over. ]

You little brat-!

[ As you're no doubt trying to run off and escape, yoinks a D.D. Return Capsule out of his jacket pocket.

And fastball pitches it at your head, so that it goes off after it bonks you, sending you to one of his D.D. Jails or, possibly, an inescapable Punishment Room filled with Melffy plushies if for some reason it glitches. ]

[theheadmonarch]

Is it over yet?

[theheadmonarch]

Noriko! Couch! Indefinitely! Again!

[theheadmonarch]

::Whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.::

[becomeanwarrior]

[ Finally puts away his Gigantech Bracer, picking up the return capsule as it settles on... a nice soft pink shade that means that the 'captured' quarry gets to spend a lot of time in the Melffy Room. ]

Hey, Noriko, Shiyoko, I have a question.

Was someone supposed to light up a warning sign for me so I knew my niece was giving out Rank-Up-Magics to her psycho cultist friends!?

I feel like this is something we overlooked! That seems like an actual danger! Like, a capital-d Danger! That I need to be in a professional mindset to deal with!

[theheadmonarch]

How was I supposed to know she was handing out impossible cards!?

::Trying to pull herself up.::

[becomeanwarrior]

Noriko, 'cuz, she is both your daughter and your High Priestess in training, I figured you would have at least maybe checked to make sure her friends weren't going to go full Lord of the Flies!

[ Exhaling, shaking his hands out a bit. ]

Ohhhh she is so unbelievably, unequivocally, apocalyptically grounded when I catch up to her.

[theheadmonarch]

Since when is she my high priestess!?

... And I never read Lord of the Flies.

[blackrthanblack]

Onni, make sure to remind me to ground my wife with my daughter, as my wife seems to have forgotten Kamala is her Miko.

[becomeanwarrior]

How do you forget Kamala is your Miko!? Ugh, right, forgetting you're a god because you want to be the mask but— still! This is egregious!

Shiyoko, I will happily remind you that my cousin needs a thorough grounding as soon as I bring my stubborn niece in. I assume I have your blessing for that much.

[blackrthanblack]

Enormously!

[theheadmonarch]

Because I didn't want to put that pressure on her...!

[becomeanwarrior]

...

[ Walks over to Noriko, squishing her face between his hands gently. ]

Noriko. My darling cousin who I can and would literally beat up hordes of self-righteous dipshits to protect.

Pressure is what turns coal into beautiful, shiny diamonds, you incorrigible airhead.

[theheadmonarch]

Bwut presshure alsho makhes thingks breakh.

[becomeanwarrior]

That's why you carefully watch how much pressure is being applied, and when, and where, yes?

[theheadmonarch]

I don't know buth theenage ghirls alwhays acht outh and tryh toh becomeh darkh godsh, whetherh its me, ashleyh or kahmala.

andh shiyokoh wanted khamalaha to be happyh and unburdenedh by shtuff.

[becomeanwarrior]

They don't always try to become dark gods! That's just your personal bias because you've raised like three of them!

I also wanted Kamala to be happy and unburdened by stuff!! Which is why I'm, y'know, taking responsibility in trying to unburden her where I can!!!

Ugh. I'm... mad but I'm starting to get more mad at myself. Reminding you that you bungled this isn't fun, 'cuz.

Look. I'll bring back Kamala safe and sound, because I want to make sure she's safe. If she's anything like her mother she will probably try and run me over while I attempt to talk her down.

...Once we get things squared away I would like us to consider maybe having a bit of a tighter grip on the steering wheel that is Kamala's future, is all.

[blackrthanblack]

Oh we will be.

I'm already making plans in my head about getting Asian Education Mama on her.

And going through her things.

[becomeanwarrior]

Moderation, Shiyoko. Swinging the pendulum back the other way with the same amount of force won't do us any good.

In fact, here, easy three-step plan! [ Ah, there's a manic edge to his voice. ]

Step 1: Wrassle her down from her temper tantrum so we can ground her properly!

Step 2: Lots of hugs and reminder she can feel sad!

Step 3: We bring in, I'unno, maybe Sadame or someone to act as a neutral party who can tell us if our plans for Kamala are going too far in one direction or the other!

Cause, like. No offense, 'yoko. None of us are particularly sane or stable right now. Usually that's my job and I am deliberately abdicating it for the time being.

[ Beat. ]

Also I'm going to have Akae fire Ixiona out of a cannon. I do not like her and I think she's a bad influence on Kamala. So into the cannon she goes.