[Private Event]

[becomeanwarrior]

[A Ten Ton Straw On A Camel's Back]

OR

[The Light Of Reason Flickers In The Eye Of The Storm]

OR

[Madness Enhancement Is A Skill That Renders Most Forms Of Communication Impossible]

OR

['Anger 2' In E Minor]

---

[ A series of vignettes in which Onni reacts about as well as anyone would to finding out their niece nearly died three weeks ago, is claiming to ascend to the status of a mad god, and every fear they had about her burgeoning powers they specifically warned her parents about has come true, all at once.

This is fine. ]

Comments

[becomeanwarrior]

[ He blinks and then it's all back to smiles again. ]

Good! I'd hate to let this chance slip away. And you can bring the ice cream too. I'm no monster.

Sides, I got to snack on the way here, no reason we can't all have a little bite to eat, right?

[ He's going to stand you up, probably moving his hand to your arm while holding onto it since you're so goddamn tall. ]

Now, I know you already know how this works but I don't, really, so if you squirm away while we're in whitespace I don't quite know where th' hell you'll end up, cuz. So stay safe wit me.

[ He's marching you toward... well, it's kind of a space near the edge of this little secluded bench area and you can probably see the thin black line that seems to be appearing as you get closer. And given you are way more experienced than him, you certainly recognize Illusion Magic when you see it. ]

[ And when you cross past it, you'll almost certainly have a weird memory you're pretty sure is fake about talking nonsense shop with Onni, about nothing in particular, as we march ourselves towards where-ever my dear cousin is most likely to be. ]

[theheadmonarch]

::Probably the throne room or room Noriko regularly uses for interviews.::

Teenage girls act out all the time! I was trying to let her vent!

[blackrthanblack]

::Shiyoko, hair bunned and the most clothes you've seen on her in two years.::

And look where that got us! Noriko, you're at fault too here! And when she gets back, piano lessons! Cram school! She needs grounding!

[theheadmonarch]

Let's not get too hasty...! Let's wait for Sadame's suggestions do we don't overreact and cause things to worsen.

[blackrthanblack]

I don't need advice from a ghost on how to raise OR punish my daughter!

[becomeanwarrior]

Well, well, I'm glad at least one of you has realized that this requires us all actually takes things a bit more seriously than not at all.

[ Still smiling as he practically drags the other Noriko into the room. You can definitely smell the Illusion Magic on him, which fits with what Sullivan told you, Noriko. ]

Now, if I may be so blunt as to interject in the conversation—

[ He digs a rubix cube out of his pocket with a free hand. ...One or all of you are pretty sure that's a Lament Configuration underneath the veneer of the puzzle cube. ]

Could anyone in this room explain to me, in the simplest terms, why, in all Seven Heavens, all Nine Hells, and every plane inbetwixt I should not SEAL MY AIRHEADED EMPRESS OF A COUSIN IN A PUZZLE BOX UNTIL THE NEXT EPOCH!?

[ The room probably reverberates with the sheer amount of Lawfulness in his voice. It might be the angriest anyone here has ever seen Onni, period. ]

[the_deadlights]

I'm just a guest!

[theheadmonarch]

Because I'm nice and Souha will burn you alive...?

::Whiiiiine.::

[blackrthanblack]

::Turns to you, Onni.::

Because I'll kick your ass seven ways to Sunday, Onni, for harming my darling wife in any way, who is a fool. The Fool of Domino.

[becomeanwarrior]

[ Practically pivots to you, Shiyoko, his eyes practically burning with blue-green flame. His voice takes on one of the thickest, most venomous Osakan bends you've ever heard. ]

Oh, you don't get to pull the "only I'm allowed to yell at my wife" card on me, missy! Not when your love of extremes left y'all without a functionin' frontal lobe for two goddamn years! Don't y'all think you should have acted before she had this temper tantrum and not after!?

And you! [ He's whirling to Noriko again, now, still spitting. ] Gettin' caught up in your godsbedamned schemes meant you left the Inheritor Of All The Worlds, yer goddamn stepdaughter, alone with nothin' but the help and her own screwball powers to keep her company! You turned the goddamn Queen Of The New World into a latchkey kid! And then you try to pave over her near-death for three weeks!?

And don't think I've forgotten about YOU! [ Wheeling to Noriko Another. ] Y'all might not be involved in this mess but the more you drag your feet on the charades I need to detangle to learn how we deal with God-Empress Suzume, the closer I get to bursting a blood vessel!

I know for a fact y'alls mothers raised you better than this! Especially you, Noriko, seein' as it was my mother what raised you! Every single one-a-ya should be fuckin roiling in shame for letting it get this bad! Roiling!

I can't even fuckin' see straight! I'm using Illusion Magic cause I can't fucking even look at the world without it blurring in my eyes! That's how fuckin' steamed y'all made me!

So every single one of you better swallow your GOD DAMN PRIDE and figure out how we're fixin' this damn mess or it's the puzzle box for all of you, and I don't care if Emperor Souha roasts me on a spit for it, cause Y'ALL'D'VE DESERVED IT!

[ Panting heavily. ]

[blackrthanblack]

::Cracking knuckles.::

Stay Out Of Immediate Family Business. What I choose to do about my daughter doesn't concern you, Idiot.

[theheadmonarch]

She was responsible and I trusted her! And Kamala herself told me to pave it over!

[the_deadlights]

I don't wanna get involved in a family crisis that ain't mine! Isn't that sensible to keep my nose outta other people's business!?

[becomeanwarrior]

I'm sorry, do I hear more BITCHIN' AND COMPLAININ' from a bunch of AIRHEADS who deserve to get themselves humiliated by someone who's been watching this entire trainwreck unfold in slow motion!?

[ Holds the rubiks cube over his head, madness glinting in his eyes. ]

Shiyoko, you don't get to claim the fuckin' high ground when Kamala ha'n't respected ya as more than a blow-up doll in more than a YEAR!? I'm her uncle and you will respect me when I say you haven't been doing your DAMN JOB as a parent! You wanna sock me for it, go ahead, but ya can't fuckin' run from the truth!

Noriko, ya more than anyone here shoulda known that her Seal of Darkness broke and what that meant! Didn't ya specifically have a plan to dampen its effects!? The hell would you believe her knowing it's gone off!

Horned Noriko, ah don't give one whit if this isn't usually your spat. You're Noriko, which means you're my cousin. Which means this is your family crisis too! So ya better put your head to work on a solution here, too!

Had any one of ya been lookin' at the stuff Kamala's been posting lately? Any one of ya keepin' tabs on her emotional state so you could act like the people she could rely on yer s'posed to!?

Every single one of ya's been fuckin' around with your own agendas and now Kamala's makin' that everyone else's problem! So are we gonna figure something out or are you INCOMPETENT FUCKIN' BIMBOS gonna keep makin' excuses for not having the foresight god gifted a turnip!?

Y'all should have your hides tanned for this, and ya damn well know it!

[the_deadlights]

::Shiyoko's definitely flash stepping and slugging you in the stomach with Barbaros backed strength.::

What I do and don't do with my daughter is none of your concern, Onni!

::The Norikos are cowering behind a throne.::

[becomeanwarrior]

[ Gives a HURK as he stumbles back, but the armored plates of Gigantech suddenly snap over his knuckles as he flash steps back into melee range and throws a punch right at your solar plexus. ]

And I think it has everything to do to me, considering you kept your damn brain full of all your parenting ability in a jar for two years while you looked pretty for my damn cousin instead of guiding her through prepubescence!

You want to act like you're the only one who gets to have an opinion, maybe you shoulda been the one RAISING HER!

[the_deadlights]

::Grk, she nearly bowls over, wheezing as she gasps air back in.::



I DID!

I spent the last 10 years until I met Noriko, ALONE! BY MYSELF! RAISING A DAUGHTER!



When I finally get told I get to have financial stability not tied to my mother, THE REAL ONE, that I have a second pair of hands, and she is financially secure for the rest of her life, I get to relax, don't go fucking MANSPLAINING TO ME HOW TO RAISE MY DAUGHTER.

Or do I need to point out your son is basically a ghost! Don't throw rocks, Mr. Glass House!

[the_deadlights]

So fuck off with trying to declare yourself the sole arbiter of Justice!

::Summons the drill spear-sword of Barbaros and bangs a blunt end of it into you like a nail bat.::

[becomeanwarrior]

[ SLAMS into the ground, so hard he bounces. Probably makes a nice Onni-shaped crater, as he immediately picks himself off the floor. ]

Don't you dare fucking think to bring Ichirou into this, comparing him to Kamala! Ichirou wasn't born heir apparent to a fucking dimensional specter! As far as I'm concerned, my son deserves a normal life until he's ready to make the decision on his own terms to get involved with all of this!

JUST LIKE KAMALA SHOULD HAVE BEEN GRANTED!

[ You're being gripped with Gigantech hands as he Giant Swings you, launching you into one of the walls. ]

Maybe you deserved the rest, but unfortunately, between Noriko being absentee and you being mentally absentee, you chose the worst possible time for it, and whether you want to admit it or not, you both left me to pick up your fucking mess!

[ His voice reverberating, as his eyes take a lantern-like glow. ] Just like how I had to un-fuck your extreme handling of Kamala the first time, if you'll RECALL!

But instead you all wanted to rush, rush, rush, her apotheosis! No plans other than 'when Kamala ascends, it'll all work out'! I fucking warned you both FROM THE JUMP this was bad ideas chasing bad ideas, and not once was I listened to!

Because you're both STUPID! STUBBORN! USELESS! GOOD-FOR-NOTHING! AIRHEADS!

[blackrthanblack]

::Slammed into the wall, gasping, bones probably breaking and re-mending.::

fuck. shit.fuck ow.

::Kicking her feet and getting back up, the heels of her shoes broken, as she kicks them off.::

I didn't want to do shit about Apothewhatever. The first thing I did when I married Noriko was get bodyguards to check the school and protect her! We've been trying to not touch rushing her, idiot!



And let her spend time at Middle School! Like a normal kid! I am not responsible for the rise of right wing quasi fascism in this country! And Kamala kept on insisting to not be locked up in Kaikori and become, in her words "Woo-woo"!

I had no interest in her becoming a God!

[blackrthanblack]

::Cricks her neck as her body posture changes.::

Her Majesty was not to be rushed into anything until her 15th Birthday or at least her entrance exam at Duel Academy.

So where the FUCK are you getting 'We're rushing into her Apotheosis' when it is the Rosencrantz and Imperial Family's policy to avoid deifying her!

The problem is all her new friends are basically cultists, Oh Lighthouse of the Crimson Warlord Bluh Bluh Bluh!

[becomeanwarrior]

Oh just fuckin' call me Onni, Barbie. I ain't exactly in the mood for your sass!

[ Grabs at his other arm that got pulled out of socket throwing you and JAMS it back in place as Gigantech's own regeneration starts to knit his broken bones and bruises together. ]

Kamala had friends that were checking her on this sort of thing. They got moved up. She's been constantly isolated by her powers and no one stepped in to intervene, is more my point.

And yes, bein' surrounded by cultists is isolatin'! They weren't shy about reminding her she was destined to inherit the world!

You only need to look at what Kamala was postin' recently to see how she needed y'all to actually be more active parents instead of letting her go free-range.

What was even the plan for if she showed signs of ascendin' early?

[blackrthanblack]

I'm mocking you and your stupid dork titles, you idiot! And the other Kamala decided she wanted those friends with her!

... What are you supposed to do about a God you're designed to create.

::Laughs, a bit brokenly.::

[theheadmonarch]

What am I supposed to do, stop everything when the entire world wants to kill her and I trying to carve out some space for her!?

"Look honey, I hugged you, but because I did, now there's a Hero's Army ready to kill you and parade your corpse, but I gave you a hug".

That's what I'm getting here!

I can't win!

::Whiiiiiine.::

[becomeanwarrior]

Jeez, you're such a buzzkill when it comes to having to actually beat some sense into your other self...

[ Exhales, sagging and slumps against a wall. ]

See, that's what I'm talkin' about. Sure, maybe your job is to guide Kamala to a proper apotheosis, but isn't what's happening here kind of going against the ideals of the god you want her to be? You're not a robot out of an Asimov book, Barbs.

Someone else besides me shoulda been doing something and now we're all cooking in this mess together. I don't give one damn about divinity — my niece is in trouble and if you can't do anything, I plan to give her a damn stern talkin' to.